


Gun powder

by Donya



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Gen, Humour, M/M, Mentioned breastfeeding, No ugly details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5503910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony thinks fatherhood is a piece of cake. However, his and Loki's unusually named newborn daughter seems to hate him for no reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gun powder

Tony thought he was prepared for being a father. He did a thorough research on the subject and even asked Barton for advice. There was nothing to worry about, he thought naively. Loki was experienced in dealing with babies, much more scary babies than a defenceless Stark Junior.

The trouble was that Tony had in mind a child that is around four months old. He expected a plump, grinning creature that can communicate their needs and maintains eye contact with the parent. A little tot that sleeps through the night and can be easily entertained by toys.

When his and Loki's child arrived, Tony was in a state of shock. A teeny tiny girl, her skin was greyish and covered in a thick layer of mucus. She screeched and her thin limbs flailed uncontrollably. On top of that, she didn't look like a full-term baby. It was hard to tell if she was born prematurely, as Loki's pregnancy could last a hundred weeks and he himself could only guess when his due day was.

Once the screaming baby was cleaned and wrapped in a blanket, not by Tony, of course, Loki held her close to his chest and said he had chosen a name for her.

'Gun.'

'I'm sorry, what?'

'Gun.'

Tony hoped Loki was just so overcome by the difficult delivery. Obviously, his hormones were all over the place and he didn't think clearly. Who in their right mind would call a baby Gun? Why not Tank or Riffle? Or Potato?

Tragically, Loki did not change his mind and insisted that Gun was the right choice. At that point, Tony noticed Loki pronounced it /gʊn/, not /gʌn/. 

'Silly you, Stark, it doesn't mean a weapon. It means a battle,' Loki clarified the matter further. Small comfort, after all, the child won't carry around a huge banner explaining both the meaning and the pronunciation of her name. Poor girl, she would always be mystified by what her mother was thinking.

Gun! Tony immediately imagined her whole life- a spoilt little brat kicking everyone in the kindergarten, taking firearm classes before she could even write her cursed name, then accidentally shooting one of her parents. Gun, the daughter of the Merchant of Death. Perfect! Very subtle.

 

Quite soon Tony realised that the original name was the last of his problems. Gun turned out to be a very impatient, very frustrated child. At first Tony was convinced that she cried all the time because she had colic. Babies do that, right? Yell day and night, scream without any consideration of their parents' state of mind.

When the first traumatic week passed, Tony discovered the reason of Gun's fussiness. Everything was fine when she was with Loki or Thor or Frigga or basically anyone. But the moment she was left with her clueless father she would start wailing at the top of her voice. The idea was ridiculous, why would Little Gunnie not like her loving, caring daddy?

Sure, Tony was a little nervous around her, just because she was the size of a doll. Such a frail little thing, so delicate, her skull bones still soft and immune system just developing. Yes, there was that one time when Tony thought those fingerless mittens for babies are stupid and in the result, Gun scratched her entire face. Also, changing a diaper was like a brain surgery, Tony had to think twice about every move to avoid breaking Gun's legs or making more mess. Everyone doubted that he could actually successfully finish this dreadful task, Loki was still weak but wanted to do everything around Gun alone. His level of trust in Tony's ability to care after the baby was impressive. Anyway, Tony found his way of changing Gun- hold her ankles with one hand, use two hundred wet wipes, breathe through the mouth and put on a fresh diaper. Until one day it became apparent that Gun had a painful infection and it was not diaper rash. Surprisingly, it turned out that front-to-back wiping is not just a suggestion and that even newborn girls can suffer from vulvovaginitis. Gun had a brand new reason to hate her father, even though Tony said he was sorry. It would have been much simpler with a boy- just wipe the stuff, without worrying too much about potentially causing a nasty infection.

 

Another thing that prevented Gun and Tony from bonding was her addiction to momma's milk. Her favourite activity was nursing, of course, free meal at the perfect temperature plus cuddling with mummy. Every time Loki wanted to end the nursing session, Gun would throw a temper tantrum and her face turned dark red from fury. Loki's explanation that he's not just a tit and he wants to take a shower didn't mean anything to her. She wanted to use him as a giant dummy and just suck all day long. Fortunately, there was a way to cleverly include Tony into feeding Gun. Loki pumped some milk and it was served to Gun in a bottle by her father. She was outraged. It didn't matter that the bottle was warm and smelled like Loki. She knew she was robbed of the most pleasant activity in her dull life and vehemently refused the meal. Tony held her in his arms, encouraged her to drink and pretended the bottle was an airplane. Half an hour of the battle of nerves and Gun ended up hungry and exasperated. She preferred starvation than the bottle.

'Oooo, who's this?' Steve cooed as he sneaked into the room, very excited to see the baby. 'Is this you, Gun? Growing so fast! Can I hold her?'

He was much more better with kids than Tony. Gun stopped crying and, yes, accepted the bottle when Steve held it.

'What? How are you doing this?'

'Easy. Babies pick up vibes from us. When you're calm, they are calm. Gun didn't want to eat when she was stressed out by you.'

Oh. How the fuck did Steve Rogers know that?

 

Tony was convinced that everything would be simpler with Gun if only he had something to offer to her. She had no interest in toys and was way too young for Tony to bribe her with sweets. What do you do with a one-month-old that only wants their mother? How to keep Gun from crying? Tony fondly reminisced about the time when he would read to Loki's enormous belly, fooling himself that it helped him create a bond with his daughter. Gun perceived him as a total stranger. She had more affection for random people who only held her when she was wearing a fresh diaper. At night, when Loki wanted to get six hours of sleep in ten minutes, Tony was willing to tend to Gun but she cried louder and louder until Loki gave in and picked her up. It was hopeless. Gun hated Tony and well, he did expect that but in fifteen years. What was he doing wrong? Two out of his two children, Gun and Ultron, did not seem too thrilled to have him as a father.

 

Tony read some more about babies younger than three months. Could it really be true that this period is an additional trimester of pregnancy? That would explain a lot. Hmm, so newborns want to feel like in the womb. Ok. Dim light, soft background noise and being wrapped in a blanket. Gun stared at Tony, unable to move in the tight cocoon and didn't look like she was enjoying herself at all.

Tony left his baby burrito on the bed and grabbed on the four-paged books for children. As instructed by Clint, Tony slowly read the two sentences about a little ducking and patiently showed Gun every picture, describing them in simple words. Gun was furious.

'You know what? Maybe you are smarter than a typical baby, after all, you're a child of a genius. Enough with the stories for children, want Daddy to read a newspaper to you? Ok. Listen to this. Five cups of coffee a day reduce chance of heart disease, Parkinson's and type 2 diabetes. Finally some good news, right?'

Gun considered his words for a moment and started to fuss, although less loudly than usual.

'Being a baby is boring, Daddy can imagine. Nothing to do, you don't have any privacy and it takes people two hours to figure out what you're crying about. It's frustrating, you're right. But, Gun, appreciate that Daddy's trying, ok?'

Gun gurgled in response and Tony hoped they could finally spend time together without stressing each other. Sadly, right then Loki was stealthily tiptoeing in the hall. Gun sensed his presence and screamed out her demand for milk.

 

Tony learnt that newborns do not smile. Surely due to the lack of reasons to be happy. Perhaps the transition from the simple life in the womb to the terrifying outside world is too much of a shock for those little fellows. The enormous space around them and the onslaught of completely new stimuli- no wonder babies can't cope with that and cry so often. Most of the time Gun looked bewildered- she just stared at people or things, her eyes huge and full of contempt and confusion. Nothing made sense to her, probably because it was so different from her previous abode. And yet Loki would say that Gun liked having a bath or lying on the blanket Frigga brought from Asgard. How could he know that? Somehow Loki ignored Gun's grimace and insisted she enjoyed certain activities. Wow, Tony thought glancing at Loki, so pregnancy and labour really change mother's brain. Loki did not notice how displeased with the world their daughter was, he cooed to her gleefully, as if she were a normal, contented baby.

 

Gun was eight weeks old and her intelligence was impressive. It was really hard to deceive her, she knew that Loki didn't disappear but was having a bath and why on Earth couldn't she join him? Why did her giant milk bottle would even want to be away from her?

Taking pictures of Gun was a real challenge, at least for Tony. In his presence, she frowned all the time, her grimace was almost amusing. She was not a happy baby and wanted everyone to know that. She would watch Tony, judging him hard, regardless of what he was doing. Tony would take her to the workshop to give Loki a break and Gun stared at him disapprovingly the whole time.

'What, you would do this differently? Do you have any suggestions for Daddy? Any valuable input?'

Tony's sarcasm didn't appeal to Gun either. How could she be so serious? What was wrong with her? Such a gloomy little thing. With her angry facial expression, she looked ridiculous in her frilly pink dress. Even Dummy fussing over her didn't lift her spirits. She just waited for the arrival of her milk dispenser.

 

Clint and his small agents came to visit Gun. She was briefly interested in the people bigger than her but smaller than her parents. Fascinating. Two minutes later she cried, missing Loki dearly. Clint watched Tony's struggle to soothe Gun and suggested singing.

'That's better than talking to her. Sing.'

Ok. He might know what he was talking. Tony didn't know any lullabies, but surely any song would do. Just sing it very cheerfully and clap your hands in excitement. Shockingly, Tony's rendition of 'Shoot to Thrill' didn't entertain Gun. Maybe she was deaf?

Clint also advised more physical contact with Gun and maintaining eye contact with her. Easier said than done. She was getting stronger with each day and squirmed in Tony's arms, he tiny fists pushing Tony away. Looking into teary eyes of a distraught baby isn't pleasant and Tony preferred keeping his distance, one less reason for Gun to cry. Could she be disappointed by the way Tony talked to her? Like to an adult, was that bad? Maybe she wanted to him to repeat every sentence five times and ask her tutorial questions. Nope, Tony tried and there was no change.

 

Loki was getting tired of the tension between Tony and Gun. He could either take care of her day and night, like a single mother or hear her choke on her sobs. Neither option appealing. Having pumped enough milk, Loki decided to leave Gun with Tony and for the first time since her birth go out alone. A nice, quiet day, a few moments for himself. At that point, not having a baby glued to him was a real treat.

When Gun was napping, Loki quietly but firmly ordered Tony to sort out his issues with her.

'You make it sound like I can reason with her,' Tony complained, wondering how he would survive a couple of hours of a non-stop crying.

'I don't care, Stark. I'll be back at four and not a minute earlier. Be creative, aren't you a genius? Find a way to make her like you.'

Great idea, because Tony hadn't tried that already.

He wanted Gun to sleep as long as possible and was afraid that even louder breathing can wake her up. While she was still under he impression that Loki was near, Tony prepared himself for the battle. With his daughter named Battle. Steve said babies know when parents are anxious. Therefore, it was wise to unwind with a cup of coffee. I'm relaxed, Tony though, completely at peace, not at all freaking out.

Soon he heard Gun's babbling, she was calm and waited for Loki. Poor girl, she had no idea what was about to happen.

Tony let her coo and stare at the ceiling, and only went to her nursery when she was losing her patience.

'Hi, Gunnie. Any pleasant dreams?'

Gun's cry could mean 'NO!' Instead of her favourite person/milk provider, she got her annoying father. Everything was wrong, Tony wanted to change her without feeding her first and Gun wouldn't tolerate that.

Tony dutifully cleaned her, having learnt his lesson and to distract her, he chatted without stopping. That was Frigga's way of calming down cranky babies. Tony didn't think about what to say, just described everything he was doing.

'And now you're good to go. Isn't it better to wear a dry diaper? Of course, it is. Let's find your bottle now, shall we?'

Gun was not happy about that. Even if she was truly hungry, she sobbed so hard she couldn't drink. Tony took a deep breath, then another and one more. He wouldn't tell his three-month-old to shut up, he made other mistakes but not that one.

The bottle was back in the fridge and Gun was in her bouncer. Tony gave her a bunch of cuddly toys and stayed close by. Gun didn't like that, but she had no idea that babies her age can silently suffocate in a bouncer or a car seat. Tony watched her and judging from the loud noises she made, she was still alive and very displeased.

'Just two more hours, Gun, bear with me,' Tony pleaded and the sound of his voice enraged Gun. It was hopeless, there was no way they could ever have fun together. She wasn't going to tell him, 'I love you, Daddy' or draw abstract pictures for him. She only accepted Loki.

 

Ever since Gun was born, Tony listened to his favourite music in the lab or in the car. Far from Gun because according to Loki, rock music was not suitable for babies. Or anyone who can actually hear. But he was out and Gun was already upset, nothing Tony could do would make matters worse.

Half way through 'Highway to Hell' Tony realised he didn't hear Gun's cries. She died, he thought, under his care. Loki was going to kill him.

Frighten what he might see, Tony opened his eyes and looked at the baby. Baby was alive. Not just alive, she was bouncing in her chair, her legs kicking and hands in the air. Most unexpected, though, was a genuine smile on her face. Not a misinterpreted grimace, a real smile of joy. First one in her life.

Tony froze for a moment, asking himself if he was hallucinating. Gun seemed... happy. So she was capable of a experiencing a positive emotion? Even without Loki?

'Oh, Gunnie. So you do like Daddy, even a little bit? Want another song?'

Three songs later Gun was still in rocking energetically, beaming at Tony. He felt confident enough to pick her up and even that didn't ruin her good mood. Unbelievable. Impossible. Alone with Daddy and no tears. At last! Just when Tony was about to have a mental breakdown.

Tony held Gun with both hands and moved a bit to the rhythm. Gun enjoyed it. Was that really Tony's daughter? Maybe it was her good twin sister.

'Is the ordeal over, Gunnie? Are you going to be nice now? For Daddy?'

Tony feared he was pushing his luck when he tried to feed Gun again. Milk could remind her of Loki and cause a massive meltdown. Was it worth the risk? He didn't want the precious time with a happy Gun to end.

'What do you think, hmm? Want some milk?'

Gun's answer, a babble, could mean anything. Tony begged her not to cry the whole time he prepared the bottle, then braced himself for the outburst of Gun's rage. She eyed the bottle cautiously, for sure weighing up her options- drink it or wait a whole eternity for the real deal. She chose the former.

Tony couldn't believe his eyes. She actually accepted milk from him. Like a good baby. Was that a beginning of a short but blissfully calm period before teething?

 

Tony dutifully burped Gun and she just stayed there, her head on his shoulder. Tony slowly rubbed her back, saying how grateful he was for that one day of peace. Gun's breathing slowed down and Tony realised she fell asleep. On him. That had never happened before, she was always too aggravated to do that.

At first it was nice, Gun trusted him enough to use him as a mattress. But by the time Loki arrived, Tony's shoulder was aching and he really needed to go pee. He wouldn't move, though, he waited for Loki to take Gun.

Loki stared at them, shocked. 'Stark, have you drugged her?'

'No!'

'You gave her whiskey, then. Don't lie to me, I'm smelling her breath right now.'

Loki actually leant down to see Gun's face and sniffed her mouth. 'Hmm. Nothing but sour milk.'

'Thank you for trusting me, Lokes.'

'You're welcome. So what did you do? Hypnotised her? Told her I was never, ever coming back and that you were her only parent left?'

'No.' But damn, good ideas for the future use. 'We listened to the music.'

'Music music or your music?'

'She does like rock. I knew we had to have something in common. She's daddy's girl now.'

Loki sulked for a moment, then gently lifted Gun's sleepy body and cradled her in his arms.

'All right. You've passed. We survived the worst part of her infancy and you didn't run away. Now, let's discuss the probability of adding another one to our brood.'

Tony snorted, convinced it was just a joke. He was drained by three months of piercing cries of his firstborn. Another one? In a dream.

'I want a boy,' Loki continued. 'I've already picked a name.'

'Don't say it.'

'Gunnar.'

'Oh my God. No! No more children or gun-related names.'

'But it means warrior!'

 

Gunnar did join them eventually. Fortunately, Tony's prayers were heard and his son was the exact opposite of Gun- all he needed to be happy was sleep and milk. Plus, he had the most caring and loving nanny- his big sister Gun.


End file.
